As 2020 rushes in amid a flurry of activity, we reflect on the many highs—and the handful of lows—that topped off the last year. We invite you to consider all that's taken place over the last few months and hope you'll be encouraged and challenged, as we are, as we anticipate all that's to come in this new year.
SHELTER RESIDENCY
We ended the quarter with a full house, and continue to pursue creative ways to maximize our space and make it a comfortable home for our residents. We are currently sheltering 24 women and 14 children. The woman we shared about last quarter who recently had a baby decided to leave the shelter for some time, finding residence along with her baby at another organization. Upon her return after a month away, shelter staff began regular meetings with her father to ensure comprehensive care and understanding of her needs. Another former longtime resident returned to the shelter after having gone home to her husband in hopes that issues there were resolved. Unfortunately, violence continued, and she made the hard decision to leave again and return to our care. We opened our doors to several new admissions throughout the quarter, several which were more atypical cases. One woman who was a childhood burn victim came with her three-year-old daughter. Following the accident that left her body scarred, her alcoholic father didn’t want to take any responsibility for her, so she and her sister were sent to live with their grandparents. She became a tailor and supported her sister. An institution they were connected with arranged a marriage for her, but once her daughter was born, her husband left her for an older woman. Despite that, he continued pestering her for money, so the institution referred her to our organisation to escape the situation and to potentially continue working as a tailor, teaching the other women and building her business from the safety of the shelter. She has already taken up several tailoring projects in her time with us, and we were able to set up a tailoring station for her, equipping her with a sewing machine and a collection of fabrics donated to the shelter. Another woman with a developmental disorder and limited brain growth also took up residence at the shelter. While staying with her brother after her mother’s death, someone entered their home while the family was at work and sexually molested her. She reported the incident to the neighbor, who called the police. Unfortunately, the situation left a strain on her relationship with her sister-in-law, and she tried running away several times. Her family sent her to the shelter to protect her, as a case has been filed against the perpetrator and legal proceedings are ongoing. We also took in a woman who had been rescued from institutional abuse at another organization. Another local organization referred several other women to the shelter, as well. One had possibly been a temple prostitute; her case was registered and counselling has begun, but she is not opening up much as of yet. In another instance, a girl who was being pursued by a man with a criminal record was sent our way after her family,
afraid for her life, sought shelter for her. It’s not uncommon for residents’ families to be involved in their lives from afar, particularly as it relates to the single women. A few of our singles navigated marriage proposals in the last few months. V and her sister, who both have stayed at the shelter for several years, were summoned back home and found their parents were trying to arrange a marriage for V. The agreement fell through, however, and they both returned. J is bipolar and has received successful treatment without any episodes in the last year and a half at the shelter. So, her family decided it was time to have her married. They arranged a union with a distant relative who understands her situation, and she’s continuing medication. A few staff members were on hand to celebrate the wedding with her, and offered to take her husband to a psychiatrist who would be able to explain her needs and situation to him more fully. In other case updates, T continues her custody battle and met with her lawyer, who wanted to see her three children and interview them. She also had a hearing with the high court, during which she was trying to transfer her case to a different location, but no decision was made. We also handled a visit from L’s husband, who came unexpectedly as she had revealed our location. He’s an alcoholic, but agreed for the first time to go to a rehab. Unfortunately, he didn’t stay there long, but returned home. Several weeks later, L went to her home to collect provisions from the ration shop. Her husband found out she was in town, located her at the shop, and accosted her there. L tried to resist, but he began beating and biting her, and took the rations to give to his sister. L required hospital care, but the police refused to take up the case. The mother of one of the young boys, S, who is staying with his aunt at the shelter, came for several days to work on securing needed documentation for him, but unfortunately, it didn’t come through. In the wake of her visit, S’s temper flared and he was acting out with violence toward the other residents. We have worked to mitigate these issues with increased one-on-one counselling and mentoring. R, who struggles with addiction to a mild drug that can easily be purchased from a provisions shop, was caught with the drug on campus, a direct violation of shelter rules. We addressed the issue with a warning and provided additional counselling to work through the addictive tendencies. We celebrated the finalization of a settlement for J, who had received compensation money for her case that was tied up with another organisation. We were able to successfully retrieve the sum for her and help her to tuck it safely away in the bank. Ongoing case management continues for our other residents, along with one external case we are assisting on, as we help them to determine next steps.
EDUCATION
We’re always looking for growth and development opportunities for our residents, and that extends to our Blossoms students, as well. In November, four of our 10th and 12th standard students benefitted from attending a time-management and goal-setting seminar off-campus. We also said goodbye to one of our long-term student residents. After successfully completing 10th standard, the young woman, who had been under our care for over a year, decided to return home to complete further studies there. We helped to make arrangements
for her transition and remain in touch with her. In other educational opportunities, we organised and hosted a session on trafficking for staff, volunteers, and residents with a representative from a local social organization involved in anti-human trafficking. We’re implementing more regular gatherings of this nature for the growth and development of all those involved in our organisation. A rep from the shelter also attended a seminar on the Domestic Violence Act that was organized by state legal authorities and a local women’s organization.
VOCATIONAL TRAINING & INCOME GENERATION
Our Bread of Life baking unit got an early start to Christmas festivities with the production of Christmas cakes. A volunteer helped our baking staff to prepare and sell over 70 kilos of cake through December, up from 50 kilos sold last year.
COUNSELLING & MENTAL HEALTH
Ongoing counselling continued for all of our residents, with nearly 200 hours each month dedicated to the mental wellness of the women and children. We handled several aspects of V’s situation, connecting with those who had insight on her case and learning that she had several awareness and social interaction issues. We also arranged for T’s father to meet with a local psychiatrist to further orient him on her case, and then with his assistance attempted to admit her into a local psychiatric facility. She wasn’t in a manic state at the time, so they didn’t take her; so, we facilitated a conference call with several psychiatrists and doctors, along with her father, to assess how to handle her case. We admitted a woman dealing with a highly sensitive case and gave her intensive counselling as she was extremely disturbed and stressed. Her child also was disturbed and was having trouble transitioning to the new living situation. They stayed with us for one month while details of the case were handled. J, who is pregnant, and her husband continued regular couples counselling. We’ve seen some unrest in their situation as they anticipate the arrival of their child. Weekly physiotherapy sessions also began for R, a gang-rape victim, with the son of one of our volunteers. We try to keep in touch with our alumni in whatever way we can, and always extend help even when they leave. They don’t necessarily have to return to the shelter, but sometimes their situations require a helping hand.
A few alumni returned to the shelter this quarter for counselling for their children on external cases. Another alumna came for counselling as she’s been enduring more abuse from her husband. In a proactive effort to equip our residents with useful life tools, two of our therapists began weekly group parenting sessions in November. The sessions are held for women at the shelter who are mothers, and are focused on encouraging the women to be strong and confident mothers and enabling them to use constructive ways to discipline their children. The sessions so far have touched on aspects such as the mothers’ health and well-being; being friends to their children, but also authority figures; listening and paying attention to their child's needs; and using effective disciplining tools, such as time out, rewards, and reinforcements. The mothers are learning how to observe their child's behaviour, provide warnings before reinforcing discipline, be very clear about the consequence of the behaviour, and to do all of this lovingly. They are being equipped to deal with their own anger and negative emotions that emerge while disciplining a child. They also have been encouraged to be consistent, time-bound, and immediate with disciplining and rewarding their child for bad or good behaviour. We have already seen positive fruit from these sessions, and are encouraged by the growth we’re seeing in both the mothers and their children.
VOLUNTEER & STAFF SUPPORT
We’re continually grateful for the work put in by our staff and volunteers. Through their support and efforts, we made positive headway on many fronts this quarter. With the expressed interest of a local trust, we submitted a proposal and secured support funding for our counselling efforts, baking unit, and Blossoms education. Our advisors also met for a fruitful discussion on current shelter activities and to make plans for the upcoming quarter. A meeting between our new part-time financial consultant and one of our advisors assessed the current financial state of the organisational budget to determine where we can fill in the gaps. The financial consultant has been extremely helpful in getting us up-to-date with current standards and our accounts in order. We’ve also taken steps to boost our marketing and awareness efforts, holding a photoshoot at the shelter to build a database for several content needs. In November, one of the educational institutions sending regular volunteers came to assess their participation and the situation at the shelter. We also were glad to host an intern from a local college over the Christmas holidays; she stayed among the residents, spending much of her time with the children. Numerous visitors were welcomed at the shelter throughout the quarter. Several individuals spent time with the kids, reading, singing, facilitating educational activities, and playing games. One woman, a certified therapist, held a mindfulness session with the staff and residents. Another visitor came for two weeks and invested time in learning from our director about the organization and women’s issues; we also arranged for her to visit with several sister organisations to understand more about the work being done in India to help women and children. Several other potential donors came for visits, and spent time with our director and our residents. We also were encouraged by a visitor from our chicken coop sponsor, who returned to connect with the women.
JOYS & CELEBRATIONS
This quarter was a season of celebrations. We kicked things off with a birthday party for one of our eight-year-old residents, S, who requested a biryani dinner that everyone at the shelter enjoyed. On 14 November, we marked Children’s Day with a function at the shelter. The Blossoms children and their mothers dressed up and acted as Freedom Fighters, performing three rhymes and a dance. They were all treated with cake and chocolates provided by a friend of the shelter. In December, we were thrilled to witness the marriage of one of our alums, V. Her new husband volunteers at the shelter, teaching music to the residents. We also regularly welcome back another of our alums, who comes to the shelter to offer her services as a stylist, giving haircuts and grooming eyebrows for the residents.
The shelter residents enjoyed several holiday activities, as well. A volunteer from another local organisation taught our shelter children several songs and they participated in a program alongside the kids from three other organisations. They all enjoyed the time away from the shelter and a yummy snack provided following the program. A small group of individuals also visited the shelter to distribute snack boxes to each of the residents and sing carols with the residents. We also held Secret Santa among the residents and staff, and everyone enjoyed some fun gifts. Christmas Day brought lots of cheer when our shelter landlord sponsored a feast of biryani, kebab, and payasam, and he and his wife enjoyed the meal with the residents.
CASE STUDY
Aien*, a childhood burn victim, felt rejected in every way. She was hardly parenting her two-year-old daughter, who was the first person who unconditionally accepted her. When her child would cry, she would just give in, not providing discipline for fear of rejection—or in moments of desperation, she would beat the child when she wasn’t able to control her. At the shelter, Aien was becoming angry with the staff because she felt they were picking on her daughter when she was tantruming and remained undisciplined. In the last three months, Aien has shown significant improvements in this attitude and approach. Through one-on-one counselling and weekly parenting workshops, her self-esteem has increased. She’s starting to take more time to dress up well with modern clothes, and is finding her worth in things other than her daughter’s love and affection. This has translated into more effective parenting strategies, as well. She is giving timeouts to discipline her daughter, and the child is beginning to follow her instruction to some extent. Aien is now trying to act as a parent and not as a friend who’s getting her affirmation from her daughter, but she’s also awarding the child appropriately for good behaviour. The child is responding well to these adjustments, too, and is not as unruly as she was three months ago. These changes in Aien’s self-esteem and parenting approach affirm the effectiveness of the counselling and parental guidance she’s receiving, and we’re encouraged by the progress she continues to display. *Name changed for privacy and security purposes
CONCLUSION
With a full year behind us and a new year ahead, we feel a deep sense of gratitude for the work set before us and the people who continue to come alongside us in it. With renewed expectation, we look forward to continued healing, progress, awareness, and change in the coming year! Happy New Year to you and yours, Institute for Family Well-being
